Living with a Fetish Partner
So you just found out that your partner has a fetish. He opened up to you and gave you details about his sexual fetish. We’re all adults and we all know that a wide variety of sexuality exists “out there” but you never expected it to be a part of your life.
Why fetishes exist or how they came to exist is a question for which no medical or scientific expert has been able to provide a complete answer. So let’s move past that, since we know that there is no definite answer for why and how a fetish comes to be. However, we know that a wide variety of fetishes exist in many different forms, some requiring the use of specific products (latex and pvc, medical objects, pantyhose, robots), and some requiring the partner to engage in specific acts (BDSM, transvesticism, lactation, anesthesia, total enclosure).
Although the existence of a fetish can seem strange, the fact is that as in all relationships, the defining factor for success is compatibility. No two people are perfectly compatible but a good relationship is one in which the couple is highly compatible. Incompatibilities in any area can be worked out, so long as a mutually acceptable level of agreement can be found.
So once your partner tells you that he has a fetish, you should talk to him to understand and take stock of his fetish to determine your compatibility with his fetish. How often does he engage in the act? How weird is it? How important it is to him? How broadly does it impact his life? Also examine whether you can accept his fetish, and how compatible it is to you. How much do you like your partner? Can you humor him and play along? Is it something you can put with every once in a while? Do not be judgmental but keep in mind that you should be open and honest with him, as he is hopefully being with you.
Perhaps your incompatibility on this topic cannot be resolved, and perhaps it can. Keep in mind that having a fetish is no different than any other factor that goes into maintaining a successful relationship, the key to which is compatibility. If you can be compatible on a day to day basis, and determine that this fetish can become part of the fabric of your relationship, then you are most likely compatible. If not, then it probably wouldn’t be fair to you or him to continue in a relationship where you feel obliged to engage in acts or use products you are not comfortable with, and it wouldn’t be fair for him to continue in a relationship where he feels unfulfilled. If however, on this one dimension of your relationship you are compatible and you are able to accept the fetish, then you are open to exploring this further and continuing in a relationship with your partner.